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Where I Am Now

I Have Changed - I have changed in so many ways. I have changed in the inch-worm fashion with a final intensified push over the past year. After twelve years of doing The Work, the biggest piece of the puzzle for me came in the form of Self-Love. To get to the place of Self-Love, much, much, much work was done. We were asked to do the Next Focus in Divine Consciousness sheets. In these, we looked deeply at ourselves, our egos, our attachments, the lies we have lived, the patterns running us, our "unfinished mommy/daddy business", our thoughts, our feelings, our addictions and compulsions. We looked at where the things that run us came from and how they affected us in all of our bodies, (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual). To clear these energies, we were invited to go deeply into and release the Rage which has been the payoff for continuing to stay in these patterns. Then we brought Love to the Shadow, as well as the Light. The final step of the Process was Self-Love. Having cleared the energies blocking Love of Self, we were able to come into that place of Self-Love. Self-Love is essential to Loving another.

Process of Loving Self - This was a very intense Process. There was much resistance. However, it worked. Once I really started to integrate Self-Love, truly taking responsibility for Loving myself as God, and thus being able to Love another as God as well, a second major energy which had run me decreased significantly…self-judgment and judgment of others. Self-doubt was next. I had to fall in Love with myself and know with 100% clarity that there is a gold mine of Love within me. I am fully responsible for mining it.

My Daily Life - Now the energy of my daily life has shifted to a new level. I have released many feelings of obligation and trying to please others. I do things that are Self-Loving and trust that if I am in Love, I will bring Love to all I meet and all things I do. I am living in Love…most of the time. I am not judging myself. I am not doubting myself. I continually remember Self-Love. My life seems to flow in the "sweet ease" now much of the time. I reference my Soul for most decisions, allowing me to make choices which are in alignment with Divine Order and Love, rather than living in the contracted state of Fear. Previously, I always looked outside of myself for answers, not trusting myself. I now live in Trust and Faith that my Soul is always guiding me. I experience the highest good for myself and others in all situations.

My Mornings - My mornings have changed. They are now sweet with silence and song. Rather than watching television in the morning as I get ready for work, which frequently brought stress, I sit in Silence and then do meditation as I prepare for my day. In this, I bless everyone and every animal I know, beginning with those close to me and extending out to bless those whose Soul Agreements have been to out-picture energies which are less than Love. I pray that all may be well, free from fear and suffering, and dwell in Peace. I hold the vision of Love and Harmony for all.

My Thoughts - My thoughts are very different than they were even a year ago. As I reference my Soul, my thoughts are now frequently God Thoughts, Bigger Picture thoughts, such as "I am God", "Everything Is God", "Divine Order is Always in Place". Since I have embraced my ego, I spend much less time dealing with drama and egoic thoughts of judgment, criticism, control, manipulation, protection, and defense. I love my thoughts much of the time. Previously, I felt controlled by them.

Addiction to Suffering - I have given up my addiction to suffering. I choose activities which contribute to my Joy, rather than getting stuck in suffering. I have begun to get in touch with my Mystical nature, which has been another big piece of the puzzle of Self-Love for me. Whereas I always felt different because of my Mystical yearnings, which I could never name before, I know that this is the Truth of who I am as Love, Lover, and Beloved of God, with God, as God, my Beloved. I no longer feel separate from myself, from God, from All That Is. I know with 100% Truth that I am Beloved. My Being is very different in my world since this Awakening to my Mystical nature. I choose to do things which inspire me and feed my Mystical nature. I choose to be with people who inspire me. I now love to inspire myself.

Taking Responsibility - I have begun to take much more responsibility as Creator of my own life over this past year. I see that what I create is a reflection of my own Consciousness. I attempt to create Consciously. This means that I am Conscious of being impeccable in my feelings, thoughts, words, and deeds. If I am not manifesting that which I wish to create, I assess whether I have taken the four steps to manifestation:

Surrender
Infilling
Integration
Manifestation

Personal Relationships - My personal relationships are much more loving. I am no longer attached to anything or anyone looking a particular way. I am able to "Hold the Energy", creating a space of unconditional Love for intimates and close friends to do what their Soul guides them to do. I add my prayers to their Soul's prayer for them.

Interaction with Others - My interactions with others are transformed. I hold the Consciousness that Everything is Sacred. Experiences which used to be commonplace or mundane are now some of my most joyful times. I love to go to the grocery store, the gas station, anywhere as I allow the Love to flow through me. I am conscious of connecting with everyone I meet. I feel their smile acknowledging that they have been seen for the Truth of who they are in that moment. They have given and received Love in that moment. In this way, I have the opportunity to experience myself as the Truth of Who I Am, as Being not Doing. I know that I am enough. I know that I am Love and that Love flows through me. I am living in a state of Love with all Beings I meet.

Interactions with Animals - My interactions with animals have changed. I used to be an animal rights activist. I would try to save all animals, thus creating the animal as the victim and their caretaker, or lack of caretaker, as the persecutor. I have moved out of this triangulation patterning to a place of neutrality. I am no longer trying to save all animals that I perceive are not happy. I know that this is a projection of my own unresolved feelings of victimhood or other unfinished "mommy/daddy business". I look at their Soul Agreements and bless them for their agreement to do what they are doing.

The Impersonal - Holding the "impersonal" is an important aspect of Being in the world as Love. This means holding the Bigger Picture, not taking things personally, nor reacting to them. If someone does not choose to receive the Love, I can bless them, acknowledge that they are not yet ready to receive, and carry on.

My Authentic Voice - I have learned to speak with my Authentic Voice. I speak the Truth of my Heart, whereas I was previously afraid that I would be judged if I expressed my feelings. As I do not judge myself and speak from a place of Love rather than ego, I feel I am not judged by others. As a result of this, my health is better. I am expressing feelings, rather than holding on to them such that they manifest in my physical body as illness. As I have learned to express my feelings, they move, change, and transform much more quickly. I do not stay stuck for long periods as I had done previously. If I do get stuck, I'm able to bless the feelings, the situation, and those involved, knowing that they are a reflection of my Consciousness. I look at the Bigger Picture, do The Work I need to do within myself, and release.

The Isness - I live much more in the Isness, not attempting to change people or things. What a different and exceptionally freeing way to live! I trust that each person is moving in alignment with his/her Soul Agreement. I see this view as I read the newspaper, as well, rather than getting caught in the drama.

Freedom - The greatest gift of all from The Work is the level of freedom I feel. I make the calls, praise God, and give thanks everyday. I am aligned. I feel happy, joyful, and free. I live my life as a prayer of thanksgiving. I can see the miraculousness of life because of this. I have many miracles in my life everyday. I feel I am operating at a higher vibration than I ever thought possible. It is quite incredible. I give thanks, thanks, and more thanks, every day. Amazing Grace How Sweet It Is.

Love of Life - I Love my life. Now I am perpetually in Love. I await my Beloved in physical form to join me on this wondrous adventure, but I am conscious that it's not about the Other. I am in Love with myself, with myself as God, with you, with you as God, with the Divine in all things. I am a Divine Being having a human experience on the earth plane. I now live Consciously in my Divinity and my Humanity…always embracing my Humanity. Now I can say from the Truth of my Heart "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE"!

 


 

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